Wednesday, 01 July 2009

  • No Postage Necessary

    Dear God,

    Today I would particularly like to thank you that I am still alive. I have had the opportunity to be fully human lately–to love, to grieve, to keep turning pages in the story of my life. There are good things ahead… and sad things, too. But I’m moving forward, because that’s the best way to embrace life.

    I’ve been given a glimpse of the next chapter of my life and an opportunity to take a risk. I’m a little frightened that the risk I’m taking will just be another dumb move I’ve made, another assumption I made that this risk will be worth it. But, I don’t know, I guess I see how this is from you, because usually I feel a little nervous about your will. It’s a little risky, a little crazy, a little less safe than the plan I had for myself. It must be yours!

    Also–thank you for the understanding you are giving me every day. It connects my heart to this hurting world more and more so I can better pray, better serve. Life is so short. I see it more with every day I live. People get up in the morning expecting to have another day, another week, another month, another year. Then they die. Today… I have today to be me. I have today to be with my friends and family. I have today to serve. Right now is all that I have;  it’s the only thing I’m guaranteed.

    I do have a small request: I just need a little reassurance. I’m putting my heart into this. Living every day to the fullest requires my heart’s utmost participation. I don’t want to regret it at the end of this. Help me be discerning, to guard my heart, but to also give it freely. I’ve been both a giver and a withholder.  I’m still learning how to do both of those at the same time.

    Lastly, thank you for Friday which is coming soon. It’s the beginning of a beautiful getaway. I’m looking forward to sleep and fun and mostly a place to clear my head. At home I have to face all the voices filled with expectations for me. But there at the lakeside, I hear you. You whisper to me there. In the busyness of life here, I often miss your voice. I try to find quiet places at home, but nothing does it like this retreat.

    I know this feels all too much like a long-distance relationship. Like I can’t hear from you daily, like I have to wait for your next letter, your next call. I don’t want it to be that way. I miss you. Let me feel your presence near me, not on your throne oh so far away. Someday I’ll get to really be with you–I look forward to that. But for now, please keep me wanting. Please keep romancing me.

    Talk to you again soon,

    Love,

    Rachel

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